February 6th, 2017

Another cycle of chemo began last week, and I’ll go in for chemo the next two Wednesdays before my upcoming scan on the 23^rd. It seems pretty likely this scan won’t be great, since my last one showed minor tumor growth. If nothing else we should get a good idea if this current chemo regimen is keeping my disease stable enough or if we need to switch things up and try something new. I suspect the latter, but that’s just my guess. I don’t know what the scans will show. I do know that whatever turns up I will be glad to at least know about it. The sophistication of today’s medical imaging technology staggers me, and I feel truly grateful to be alive at a time when we can clearly see and understand the facts about where and how much my cancer may be growing. I may not like the facts, but at least having them allows me and my doctors to form a meaningful plan to best deal with my cancer as it is, not as we want it to be. Facts, with regards to cancer or any issue, are immensely important.

Sadly it seems many of us can no longer agree on the facts, or even agree to try to find the facts. Disagreement is one of the keys to a healthy society. We need respectful dialogue to guard against extremes, to ensure our own beliefs are coherent and logical, and to see whatever wisdom those who disagree with us may offer. My post from December 5^th examines this closer, so I won’t waste a lot of time here explaining the idea, but we need to argue with one another sometimes. Constructive disagreements are only possible though when they deal with the same established facts.

We can debate who might be the greatest NFL quarterback of all time by citing statistics and making arguments based on facts. You could argue that Tom Brady is the best quarterback ever, as evidenced by his record-breaking five Super Bowl victories, and I could counter that Peyton Manning is the best, with several records of his own like 539 career touchdown passes. One of us might win the argument, or more likely we could both become more deeply entrenched in our views, but at least our arguments used facts. What will never work is attempting to debate using our own made-up “facts” that suit our arguments. We cannot hold a meaningful conversation if you claim Tom Brady has won nine Super Bowls and I argue that Peyton Manning holds the record for most touchdowns thrown at 782. It should go without saying that such tactics would be ridiculous and make meaningful conversation impossible, but right now I’m not sure.

Every day it seems some piece of fake news spreads, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes deceitfully. Fake news is a real and pervasive problem right now, and it seems most people agree it poses a real threat and must be stopped. We just can’t seem to agree what is fake or real news anymore. Too often I see real news outlets and articles decried as fake simply because what they report is inconvenient or contradicts someone’s biases and opinions. It seems that a great many people view news as nothing more than collections of opinions, based on whatever facts or alternatives to the facts one wants to believe. This just simply does not work. It doesn’t work with sports statistics. It doesn’t work with cancer treatment. It definitely doesn’t work with serious issues affecting the entire country and the rest of the world. It is time we all commit to searching and standing up for the truth, for the real facts, whether we like them or not.

January 30th, 2017

I woke up last Wednesday with a fresh, still-forming scab instead of a scar at one of my chest surgery sites. Chemo got cancelled and moved back a week, since it needed to heal and looked like it might have shown signs of an infection starting. I started another antibiotic for ten days to help combat any infection and it seems to be effective since everything is healing up nicely. I’m not sure why a scar from last April would have opened up overnight, but the skin was always quite thin there and I do have a habit of absentmindedly fiddling with things like my wedding ring or some of my surgical scars. Maybe I wore the skin even thinner by touching it without thinking during a movie, and then played tug-of-war with my dog too roughly or did something else I can’t remember that stretched it just enough to make it bleed a bit. Whatever the case I got an extra week off chemo, which is nice in a way since chemo isn’t any fun, but it also delays everything a week and gives more time for the spots they’re watching in me to potentially grow without being attacked by chemo, which is never a good thing. I should start the next cycle of chemo this Wednesday, since everything seems in order.

Despite that minor setback, I cannot help but feel incredibly privileged right now. Other than my health I have pretty much everything going for me. I’m able to get treatment for my cancer without too many hoops to jump through or red tape to navigate, for now at least. Others are not so fortunate. I’ve met dozens of people from around the world at the Ronald McDonald house, all of them leaving their homes and communities, often navigating cultural and linguistic barriers, to come to New York City for the specific care they or their children need. I especially think of one family in particular, a wonderful young family of four from Libya. Their daughter was there getting treatment the whole time I was and had a long road ahead of her yet when I last saw them at the Ronald McDonald House. It’s been a while now since I’ve seen them, as lately I’ve only been to New York City for scans every couple months, but their kindness and generosity, their willingness to share food or a kind smile, will forever remain in my heart.

That some see fit to impose a ban on such people in a misguided and ill-informed attempt to make our society safer sickens me. That Christians have lent their support to this ban angers me to the point that my jaw is sore from how much I’ve clenched it of late. I can almost understand making a (factually incorrect) argument about banning citizens of certain countries from entering ours from a perspective of national security. But it’s quite another thing entirely to pretend the Christian faith supports such callous disregard for others. One need look no further than the scathing rebuke found in Matthew 25 to see that. There Jesus pronounces terrible judgement on those who neglect others while speaking well of those who care for the most marginalized in the world, saying in verses 35 and 36 “for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me." In short, Jesus implores us to care for the needs of the needy.

I cannot claim to have made nearly enough effort in such areas as I should, and every time I read this passage a knot ties in my stomach, compelling me to do better, to seek out those who need help and do my part to share God’s love. It baffles and appalls me that so many seem comfortable ignoring this passage, instead seeing fit to turn away strangers and refugees, caring more for themselves than for others. I hope and pray that we will all see the poorly-disguised xenophobia and fear-mongering within this weekend's overreaching executive order for what it is, and that even now those whose lives depend on medical care that can only be found within this country will be allowed to seek it here, no matter what nation they may call home.

January 23rd, 2017

I am pleased to announce a new book in the works! Cancerous Faith: How a Fifteen Percent Chance of Living Improved my Life explores ideas related to cancer, faith, and my experiences with both. This book expands upon some of the themes I've touched on here in my blog while looking deeper into issues related to faith, cancer, and their intersection in my life over the past two years. I will begin querying agents soon for this nonfiction work, and I'll keep you posted here what happens with it.

Chemo continues much as it has the last several months. Every evening I eat a snack and take a cyclophosphamide pill. On Wednesdays I go to the local cancer center for a pair of chemo drugs through IV infusions. The only new development worth mentioning is the start of some neuropathy. A potential side-effect of pretty much every chemo I've had thus far, neuropathy is basically the same sensation as a foot or hand "falling asleep." For me it's been a very mild tingling and numbness that becomes more prevalent by the third week of chemo and disappears during my off week. It's a minor miracle I haven't experienced it before now, and it's very mild and goes away if I shake the affected hand or foot. There isn't much else to report, other than I hope to post here regularly again.