June 21st, 2016

Waiting. It might be a more appropriate topic for Advent, but it plays a significant part in my life right now, so that's what I'm going to talk about tonight. Christina and I do a lot of waiting these days. Tomorrow we will wait an hour or two for my chemo to start, and then another hour or so before it ends. We are also waiting for my next scans in about a month so that we can start waiting for those results. We decided to wait for the next scan results before we find at least part-time jobs and start working again, since it strikes us as irresponsible to make any work commitments that might easily get broken right away, should we have to go back to NYC for more treatment. Basically, we're waiting. A lot.

To combat all the waiting, we're making a concerted effort not to put life experiences on hold. Going to a Stanley Cup Finals game in Pittsburgh, a Formula One race in Montreal, multiple theme parks, and camping all in just the past couple weeks certainly furthers that goal, as does catching up with old friends and visiting with relatives, which we have been doing and will continue to do throughout the summer. We're staying very busy and making great memories, but at the end of the day that really only goes so far. To those whose hectic lives make them wish for more free time, I have two pieces of advice (which as always, feel free to ignore). First, go out of your way to make that extra time to enjoy enriching experiences and make memories that matter. Second, don't forget to appreciate your health and ability to have a busy schedule, to have work to do.

I'm reaching the point now where I feel a visceral need to be productive, to do something with my time that helps others and makes a difference in the world. Really were it not for this blog and the books I'm writing, I'd be well past that point already. Writing has helped me in many ways get through my cancer treatments over the last year and a half (and counting). Currently it gives me something to work on that feels productive, something to do that, I hope, might make a difference in the world. Who knows; maybe someday someone somewhere will read something I wrote, and a new way of viewing the world, of experiencing God's love, of thinking about life will occur to them. It's that kind of thought that keeps me reflecting, listening, and writing.

It's hard though when every week I get more rejections from agents regarding my next book. That's something else I'm waiting for by the way; an agent for the fantasy series I'm writing. (book one is done, and I'm looking for an agent....anyone? Anyone? Bueller?) I know it takes time to find an agent, and then more time for them to find a publisher, and I'm really fine with that. The process is simply slow and a bit ridiculous, and that's alright I suppose. What makes it difficult is that I don't--in all likelihood--have ten years to build a readership. I'm not trying to be morbid, but those are the facts. It's hard to be patient in such a situation, but I'm getting pretty good at waiting.