June 27th, 2016

Yesterday I had the privilege of worshipping in South Bend with the church I grew up in. Though it had been a few years--over three I think?--since I had last been to a Sunday morning service there, in several ways it felt like going home. The warm welcome we received only added to the wonderful level of support and generosity we have enjoyed from that congregation since this whole cancer ordeal began. In many ways, I felt like I had never left.

Sure, the church has a new name that I struggle to remember off the top of my head: Church of the Savior (yeah, I googled it just to be sure). Yes, there were dozens of new faces I did not recognize, and many people I would have loved to see but did not get the chance to. But I also got to meet several people I have known only through Facebook or email, and reconnect with a great many old friends. The wonderful Hanstra family, with whom we stayed Saturday night, even managed to put together a lovely cookout after church on just a couple days' notice. We relished (get it? cookout, relish?) the chance to spend more time Sunday afternoon talking with everyone from church who was able to attend.

I think in many ways It felt like I had never left because really, I hadn't. I know I have continually been thought of and prayed for by so many there. I have never left their hearts, nor have they left mine. I cannot help but think that this provides an excellent example of church at its best. It scarcely matters how far away I may live, or how long it has been between visits. This group of brothers and sisters in Christ will always be family.



P.S. apparently "worshipping" is not the standard spelling of the word here in the U.S. but "worshiping" just looks wrong to me.

June 21st, 2016

Waiting. It might be a more appropriate topic for Advent, but it plays a significant part in my life right now, so that's what I'm going to talk about tonight. Christina and I do a lot of waiting these days. Tomorrow we will wait an hour or two for my chemo to start, and then another hour or so before it ends. We are also waiting for my next scans in about a month so that we can start waiting for those results. We decided to wait for the next scan results before we find at least part-time jobs and start working again, since it strikes us as irresponsible to make any work commitments that might easily get broken right away, should we have to go back to NYC for more treatment. Basically, we're waiting. A lot.

To combat all the waiting, we're making a concerted effort not to put life experiences on hold. Going to a Stanley Cup Finals game in Pittsburgh, a Formula One race in Montreal, multiple theme parks, and camping all in just the past couple weeks certainly furthers that goal, as does catching up with old friends and visiting with relatives, which we have been doing and will continue to do throughout the summer. We're staying very busy and making great memories, but at the end of the day that really only goes so far. To those whose hectic lives make them wish for more free time, I have two pieces of advice (which as always, feel free to ignore). First, go out of your way to make that extra time to enjoy enriching experiences and make memories that matter. Second, don't forget to appreciate your health and ability to have a busy schedule, to have work to do.

I'm reaching the point now where I feel a visceral need to be productive, to do something with my time that helps others and makes a difference in the world. Really were it not for this blog and the books I'm writing, I'd be well past that point already. Writing has helped me in many ways get through my cancer treatments over the last year and a half (and counting). Currently it gives me something to work on that feels productive, something to do that, I hope, might make a difference in the world. Who knows; maybe someday someone somewhere will read something I wrote, and a new way of viewing the world, of experiencing God's love, of thinking about life will occur to them. It's that kind of thought that keeps me reflecting, listening, and writing.

It's hard though when every week I get more rejections from agents regarding my next book. That's something else I'm waiting for by the way; an agent for the fantasy series I'm writing. (book one is done, and I'm looking for an agent....anyone? Anyone? Bueller?) I know it takes time to find an agent, and then more time for them to find a publisher, and I'm really fine with that. The process is simply slow and a bit ridiculous, and that's alright I suppose. What makes it difficult is that I don't--in all likelihood--have ten years to build a readership. I'm not trying to be morbid, but those are the facts. It's hard to be patient in such a situation, but I'm getting pretty good at waiting.

June 6th, 2016

First off, it seems that I'm moving my weekly blog posts to Monday. No real reason, other than Monday is when they seem to happen. So from now on, check back here on Monday evening, if you want to read my blog in the future. Since you are right now, I'll assume you do!

Chemotherapy is scheduled to start Wednesday. It was supposed to start last week Tuesday, but one of the chemo drugs takes a while for insurance companies to approve, and that wasn't ready in time. So we went to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey, because I've wanted to go there since 2005 when they built what was at the time the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world (still tallest, no longer fastest). Very glad we found a deal on season passes to all Six Flags parks for the same price as a one-day ticket when we were in California last march. The main point here is that I did not start the next round of chemo last week, so we went to a theme park instead. Sometimes people say cancer treatment is like a roller coaster, but I much prefer the real deal to the simile. 

Now the insurance approval went through, and everything looks to be lined up pretty well. As always, "everyone handles it differently" so we can't be sure exactly what to expect, but it's supposed to be fairly easy. Not much nausea or anything. Hopefully that holds true, since my dad and I are meeting up with an uncle in Montreal this weekend for the Formula One Grand Prix. Should be a good guys' weekend of car racing (and roller coasters--more on that in a second). If you didn't know, I started following F1 last year since I needed a sports-related distraction and football and hockey seasons don't cover July and August. While we're in Montreal I'm also planning on at least briefly going to the Six Flags park there. Not sure if I mentioned it yet but I really like roller coasters. I'll be bringing all my anti-nausea drugs, just in case the chemo makes everything weird. It does that sometimes.

Other than that I'm spending a lot of time reading and writing. Mostly writing. Recently I found out there's a writing mentorship program for patients at MSKCC so I joined that. It will be great to get more feedback on the books I'm writing. I recently finished another round of editing for my next book, and it's as done as I can get it, for now at least. I'm sure an editor at a publisher could find things they want to change, but that's down the road a little. For now I'm focusing on sending a ton of query letters to agents (because you can't send books straight to publishers anymore). Some agents won't even accept manuscripts without a referral. It all feels like a broken/patchwork system going through some intense growing pains. But it's the system in place right now, so I'll keep sending query letters. Fingers crossed.