Last year I lost my hair. Got it back. Lost it. Got it back. I think I lost it again? Now I have it back. Before my ordeal with cancer, I assumed that people undergoing cancer treatment did not have hair, and that their hair coming back meant they were cured. Now though I know there really is no such thing as "cured" with regards to cancer, and that you cannot judge someone's treatment progress by their (lack of) hair. Even so, it can be hard to remember.
For the first few rounds of chemo--now amazingly over a year ago--I kept my hair. I shaved it off preemptively, thinking that I'd lose it right away when treatment began. Then we arrived in NYC and found out it wouldn't go anywhere until later rounds of more intense chemo. So there I was with my hair buzzed short, but not even starting to fall out. When it did finally go, it was surprisingly quick to come back, often making valiant efforts between rounds of chemo. In July I had a full head of hair and a weirdly soft black beard. I looked pretty swarthy and dashing. People often assumed I was done with treatment, though in truth I had another surgery, chemo, and two kinds of radiation treatments yet to go. As annoying as it might have been to have people I assume I was done, I really couldn't blame them. It's terribly confusing.
I too have made assumptions on the progress of others' treatment based on their hair. I can clearly remember being so glad last spring to see that one of the young patients we had gotten to know had her hair again. She must just be back for a follow up appointment, I stupidly assumed. Sadly my assumption based on her appearance was horribly wrong. She was merely between treatments, and her cancer had in fact returned, and to a terrible extent. Her situation has been and continues to be for me the most heart-wrenching part of this past year. Please, please pray for D.
That experience highlighted for me just how shallow we too often are. Western culture at least emphasizes physical appearance so much that we quickly evaluate and make assumptions based on looks alone. Cancer provides a great example of this. We see someone bald and thin and assume they have cancer; when we see their hair has come back, we presume they're all better now. Without knowing a person well, and taking the time to really understand their situation, we can easily draw wrong conclusions, even if we have lived through the same situation as them, even if we have found ourselves on their end of those false assumptions. How great it is then to love and serve a God who knows us for who we are inside, and does not judge on outward appearances.
Thanks for these thoughts -- and great that this God loves us even if he finds us to be more shallow than even we expected. One of the things I learned about myself when I lost my hair to cancer treatment was that this bothered me much more than I'd expected. And worse was the odd way it grew in at first. But through it all I was known & loved -- blessings.
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