Quick Update

It's been a while since I've written here, so I think an update on how I'm doing is long overdue!
I had surgery on Thursday the 6th to remove the last remaining nodes of concern showing up on my scans. This surgery went pretty well, and the radiologist was able to perform intraoperative radiation treatment on a few of the spots, which is great! Some of the nodes they removed were cancerous, and a couple were not, which isn't terribly surprising, but the main idea is they got everything that seemed suspicious. It took six days before I was recovered enough to leave the hospital, and in that time I watched all 7 Fast and Furious movies for the first time (thanks to my pastor who lent them to me!). They were fun, ridiculous, and surprisingly good at times; definitely the right kind of movie to watch during a surgery recovery! Though I got out of the hospital last Wednesday I had to go back in on Thursday due to a buildup of fluid in my abdomen. They drained 1.5 liters and I felt instantly better. Saturday evening I went back in to the hospital for the same exact thing. They weren't able to drain the fluid until Sunday morning, but it was the same amount again, and so this second time they left a drain in. The fluid has been slowing down a little I think, though the drain will have to stay in for some time yet. I should be able to go home tomorrow though since I can have the drain taken out back home once it slows down enough. For now, I'm enjoying the NHL playoffs, trying to get a little writing done, and resting and recovering.

Love Trumps Hate. So Let's Act Like It.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

By such a litmus test a lot of us are failing to show ourselves as disciples of Christ, myself included. When I think about the discussions I have been part of lately and the conversations I see and hear on the national stage, hatred, not love, is the common theme. To an extent, this seems justified. A significant portion of the country seems to back policies fueled by hatred and fear, and it is only appropriate that Christians fight against this as peacemakers who look to care for the needy and further God’s Kingdom. When hatred spews forth against people for being who they are, for simply belonging to a different sex, race, nationality, religion, or sexual orientation, it is right to stand opposed to such bigotry. Such deplorable prejudices are worthy of contempt. But the individual people who look the other way or even personally hold these prejudices are not.

Far too often I see those with whom I align the closest taking a stand against the people whose ideas we must oppose. And to be honest, I too am often guilty of harboring hatred in my heart towards some people, rather than their words, ideas, or actions. It may seem a subtle difference, but it is an important one. It is the difference between a valid criticism of a terrible, unloving idea and a mere ad hominem attack, for one, but it is far more damaging to our own souls than that. It is the difference between statements like "Matt Walsh IS a despicable person," and “Matt Walsh's continued use of hostile, intentionally controversial rhetoric is despicable and unbecoming of Christians.” It is, at the core, the difference between dehumanizing and hating others—often the very thing we claim to stand against—and remembering that all are made in the Image of God and as such deserve God’s love and compassion.

I have seen many troubling arguments against such a notion. Many claim that things are just too extreme or unprecedented for idealism right now, that too much is at stake to do anything but fight tooth and nail against the destructive changes coming from our president’s administration. “Fight fire with fire,” I hear people say. And part of me agrees with that. I have plenty at stake here personally, and it is tempting to hold a personal hatred for people like Mitch McConnel or Paul Ryan; people who would gleefully make it impossible for me to receive the healthcare I need to have a fighting chance at living a little longer, especially as I face another surgery this week and the prospect of more radiation and chemo in the months ahead. But fighting fire with fire only works with wildfires if there are thousands of acres to burn and you don't mind leaving vast swathes scorched. It is not a good strategy for combatting a house fire, and that's what we have right now. We can’t afford to fight fire with fire, to answer hatred with more hate. If we do that, hatred wins. instead we must snuff out hate with love.

I certainly don't know the best way to answer hatred with love, and I often don't even feel like figuring that out either. I've let my emotions get the better of me at times, and I know I'm guilty of unleashing hatred upon people whose thoughts and speech I find deplorable. But that makes me the very thing I revile. Many times I'm content to express my contempt for other people and their ideas. Sometimes I'm the Pharisee in Luke 18:11. And I am ashamed of that. It is a difficult position, because I don't want to be complicit with racism, sexism, ableism, xenophobia, homophobia, or Islamophobia. But nor do I want to add any more hatred and anger into a world already burning with both. Yes, Jesus flipped tables and shouted, and sometimes there's a time for that. But Jesus also sought out the marginalized and offered them love to counteract the hatred society poured out against them. More to the point, Jesus rebuked as often with a loving, tough question as with a stern word. I should try to as well. We need to ask ourselves how we can truly smother hatred with God's love, not how we can simply show how much we hate hatred. Only by answering hatred with love and compassion can we work for meaningful change.